No Baby: What Happened?

Now that we've had a few hours to process things, I'll be a little more descriptive on what likely happened. I have apparently had what is called a blighted ovum, which is an early miscarriage. The egg was fertilized and became an embryo, implanted in the uterine lining, and developed a gestational sac. But then the embryo was reabsorbed because of some type of problem and the placenta has continued to grow, mimicking a normal pregnancy in terms of symptoms, blood work, etc. because of the hormones. In my case, the problem was probably a poor quality egg as a result of diminished ovarian reserve. I am getting increasingly nervous about my egg quality and fear that we may not have much hope of conceiving again.

We could very clearly see the gestational sac on the ultrasound but there was nothing inside of it. We had an ultrasound at the 6 week mark with Kyler and could see what looked like a little bean - which was the embryo and yolk sac - and we could see/hear his heartbeat. This was much different, just a black, empty circle. I could tell the moment I saw it that it didn't look like what I expected. The doctor confirmed my fears, saying it looks like it is going to be a miscarriage.

Because the placenta is still growing (no longer with an embryo), I have read that it could take 12 weeks to miscarry on my own without a D&C. The miscarriage would go on for about two weeks until everything has passed. Hopefully a week from today they will let me know which route we are going to take and hopefully it happens quickly so we can move forward. I have also read that most doctors have you wait 1-3 cycles before trying to conceive after a miscarriage. So it may be several months before we can even do another IUI, if that is even still on the table. We will have to talk to my doctor and nurse about what is next and what is still possible.

The thing that makes me the most sad is letting go of all the plans, hopes, and dreams for this baby's future. I would have been due right around the time our lease is up, and we were hoping to move before I got too big and uncomfortable. We had talked about where we might set up a bassinet for the baby if we still happened to live in this two bedroom apartment and about how Kyler and his little brother or sister would be less than two years apart. I had even met a boy and his little sister who was about 2 years younger at a park and it was so fun to see them playing together with their dad. We had talked some about names and how we better start thinking of boy names now because it was so hard for us to decide on Kyler's. I hope and pray that I have the opportunity to see dreams like these come true sometime soon. I know it won't be the same baby and the same timing, but we long to have another little one to add to our family soon.